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High achievers in every field share similar characteristics, some combination of talent and drive that fuels their success. At the beginning of my own career, I devoted my time to figuring out what separates the people with talent who achieve and the people who drop out. From my book, Grit.

As a graduate student just beginning to probe the psychology of success, I was interviewing leaders in business, art, athletics, journalism, academia, medicine, and law: Who are the people at the very top of your field? What are they like? What do you think makes them special?

Some of the characteristics that emerged in these interviews were very field-specific. For instance, more than one businessperson mentioned an appetite for taking financial risks: “You’ve got to be able to make calculated decisions about millions of dollars and still go to sleep at night.” But this seemed entirely beside the point for artists, who instead mentioned a drive to create: “I like making stuff. I don’t know why, but I do.” In contrast, athletes mentioned a different kind of motivation, one driven by the thrill of victory: “Winners love to go head‑to‑head with other people. Winners hate losing.”

In addition to these particulars, there emerged certain commonalities, and they were what interested me most. No matter the field, the most successful people were lucky and talented. I’d heard that before, and I didn’t doubt it.

But the story of success didn’t end there. Many of the people I talked to could also recount tales of rising stars who, to everyone’s surprise, dropped out or lost interest before they could realize their potential.

Apparently, it was critically important—and not at all easy—to keep going after failure: “Some people are great when things are going well, but they fall apart when things aren’t.” High achievers described in these interviews really stuck it out: “This one guy, he wasn’t actually the best writer at the beginning. I mean, we used to read his stories and have a laugh because the writing was so, you know, clumsy and melodramatic. But he got better and better, and last year he won a Guggenheim.” And they were constantly driven to improve: “She’s never satisfied. You’d think she would be, by now, but she’s her own harshest critic.” The highly accomplished were paragons of perseverance.

Why were the highly accomplished so dogged in their pursuits? For most, there was no realistic expectation of ever catching up to their ambitions. In their own eyes, they were never good enough. They were the opposite of complacent. And yet, in a very real sense, they were satisfied being unsatisfied. Each was chasing something of unparalleled interest and importance, and it was the chase—as much as the capture—that was gratifying. Even if some of the things they had to do were boring, or frustrating, or even painful, they wouldn’t dream of giving up. Their passion was enduring.

The post What All Successful People Have in Common appeared first on Tips on Life and Love.

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The goal for perfectly cooked fish is a fillet that is tender, flaky, and moist. On the grill, the goal is the same but there’s an extra challenge: preventing the fish from sticking to the grate. Once you’ve mastered that skill, you’re well on your way to perfection. From The Total Grilling Manual: 264 Essentials for Cooking with Fire.

You’ll likely have the most luck with firm-fleshed fish such as tuna, swordfish, salmon, and halibut. As a general rule, count on about 8-10 minutes total for each 1-inch (2.5-cm) thickness of the fillet. Cutting fillets to an even size is a great way to make sure they cook evenly, and after cooking, let fish rest for 5 minutes or so to allow the juices to redistribute. Here are some of the best ways to make sure your fish makes it onto the grate and back again in one piece.

BRUSH & OIL Prepping the grill grate is always suggested; with tender fillets, it’s a must.

GREASE UP Lubricate the fish in addition to the grate. Mayonnaise is the unexpected and unrivaled condiment for the job. Brush fillets on all sides before grilling for best no-stick results.

BRING TO ROOM TEMP Remove fish from the fridge and let sit at room temperature 5–10 minutes before placing it on the grill.

HEAT THINGS UP A hot grate will sear the fillet when it’s placed on top. Don’t force it—the fish should loosen somewhat when it’s ready to be turned.

HANDLE WITH CARE Flip your fish only once. More than that and it may fall apart. Carefully shimmy a thin metal spatula under the fish to lift it from the grill.

KEEP THE SKIN ON Skin will help your fish hold together when it’s cooked and turned on the grill grate. If you prefer fish without the skin, simply remove it after cooking.

USE A BASKET Another good way to prevent your fish from falling apart on the grill is to use a fish basket. It will hold your fish, however delicate, perfectly in place.

GET A PLANK Grill whole fish or a large fillet on a plank (such as wood or pineapple) to keep it in one piece on the grill.

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When my daughters were little, I was always kidnapping them in my mind. How easy it would be to walk off with someone else’s child, I’d think on a crowded bus or on a sidewalk teeming with tourists. It would take only a moment and a few gummy bears to lure a toddler away from a distracted parent, irrevocably rebooting both of their lives. I was constantly trying to anticipate how a kidnapping might happen, hoping my imagination would act as a prophylactic against it.

I thought this fear was my own, private obsession, but it turns out that abduction is in the Top 10 of what many parents worry about. I learned this by channeling my neurosis into a novel (entitled What Was Mine) and in researching the story, casually asked parents if they ever thought about kidnapping. In almost every case, eyes widened, faces neared, voices animated with the memory of a child gone temporarily missing. Mothers usually ended with “All I could think about was my baby’s face and how would I live the rest of my life without it?” Fathers’ stories ended differently, “All I could think about was my wife’s face when I’d have to tell her…”

My research included reaching out to law-enforcement professionals for procedural details—what exactly happens in the hours after your child is kidnapped?—and I learned a statistic that might have saved me years of worry: only about one percent of kidnappings are carried out by strangers. Children are far more likely to be abducted by someone in their own family, usually a parent denied custody. Statistically, my fear of kidnapping was unfounded. And yet, statistics don’t matter if your child happens to fall into that one percent.

How to protect your child from becoming part of that tiny percentage? The professionals I spoke to recommended these as the most five most effective precautions a parent can take.

1. Give your child a code word
Find a simple word, something easy to remember, like “gorilla” or “jellybean.” Tell your child to trust only an adult who knows the word. Children are usually kidnapped in cars, often by a person who says they’ve been sent by the child’s parents. This jived with a story I’d heard about a girl in Florida, an heir to a pasta fortune. She was kidnapped at age nine, after being told at school that her parents couldn’t pick her up and that a private car would be sent for her. The car drove her to a cabin in deep woods. Luckily for her, as for 94 percent of abducted children, she was found unharmed within days; she’d passed the time by doing her homework. But a code word might have prevented her from climbing blithely into that car.

2. Don’t put your child’s name on a backpack or clothing
Don’t make it easy for potential abductor to call to your child by name. Children tend to trust people who know their names.

3. Tell your child that kidnappers look like regular people
Dispel childish assumptions that kidnappers look like monsters. Teach them to beware of strangers asking for help. Children shouldn’t speak to adults they don’t know. Tell them that if adults need help finding a lost pet or directions to someone’s house, they shouldn’t be asking a child for it; they should be asking other adults.

4. Tell children that being safe is more important than being polite
Advise your child that if a stranger approaches and something doesn’t feel right, they should just walk away. Teach children it’s OK to trust the “uh oh” voice inside them. Sometimes this voice might make a mistake and warn them off harmless adults who only mean to be friendly, but safety is more important than courtesy.

5. Children in trouble shouldn’t just scream, they should use their words
Reassure your child that it’s extremely unlikely that a stranger would try to take him or her, but add that if it ever happens, they should yell as loud as they can, calling out something specific like “Help! This man is not my dad!” Otherwise, people may mistake a screaming child for a kid just having tantrum.

Happily, my children grew up un-kidnapped and are now in their twenties. My fear of their being abducted has been supplanted by other anxieties for them—which I am dealing with by channeling into new pieces of fiction.

The post 5 Things Every Parent Can Do to Prevent Kidnapping appeared first on Tips on Life and Love.

It’s not too late to drop to your ideal summer weight. Earlier this week, New York Times bestselling author JJ Smith kicked off her 10-Day Green Smoothie Challenge. If you haven’t yet joined, follow along on her Facebook page. The cleanse will help jump-start your weight loss, increase your energy level, and improve your health. Bonus: The smoothie recipes are perfect for a cooling summer treat.

You can see for yourself by trying out a few of these easy-to-make, frothy beauties:
Pineapple Spinach Green Smoothie Recipe
Apple Berry Green Smoothie Recipe
Sample Recipe: 10-Day Green Smoothie Cleanse

For more information, visit JJ’s official Facebook page or follow her on Twitter.

Once you’ve completed the challenge, check out Lose Weight Without Dieting Or Working Out for more ways to detoxify your body and maintain your healthy new weight.

Bottoms up!

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